Wednesday, 12 February 2014

No so Wonder Woman

I saw a bit of Wonder Woman recently, and, at the risk of upsetting a whole generation of men, I wasn't that impressed. She seems nice enough as a character, and I like her Amazonian roots and her cool jumps and the way that she can look good even after a plane crash, but still.

The first thing that I noticed was that she is skinny, has perfect hair and make-up and shows a lot of flesh. Not entirely her fault- she is just (as a character) living up to what most men's idea of a perfect woman is. It's sad though. Why does a female superhero need to look like that? She'd look just as good in slouchy jeans and no make-up. Cooler, even, because it would mean that she didn't care about looking 'perfect' or 'feminine' (whatever that means.) A superhero has already proved her awesome-ness by saving lives, being strong, changing very quickly etc. So surely she has so much self-confidence that there's no need to be beautiful at all times too?

I suppose that it's not only female superheroes that need to look good though. Superman and Batman and so on are also good-looking muscle-y men, at least on film.

So I thought about what a female super hero would be like if I invented her. She'd have to have a cool name - Fab Lady will do until I can think of something better. She'd be of average height, average build and with slightly wayward hair. She'd occasionally wear make-up, if she felt like it; and would be a fan of denim and trainers. She'd have super powers, of course. Like flying, turning invisible and the ability to sew her own curtains. She'd only see herself in a mirror though, not her mother. She would have some close friends, but not too many, and have a presence on social media without being too unguarded, boastful or judgemental. Fab Lady would be able to simultaneously cook dinner, write a web page and change a tyre. Ok, so maybe she'd need three hands for that. She could grow an extra one when needed.

Fab Lady would feel equally at ease discussing current affairs at a cocktail party as watching football down the pub with some mates. She would start as a single lady, and then after some chapters, a love interest in the form of a shy bloke in accounts would be introduced. There would be a time when Fab Lady had to decide whether she was ready to settle down, but eventually she would realise that she was in love. Bloke from accounts would be a bit useless at the romantic side of things, but would turn out to be perfect husband material.

After a few years and lots of superhero action, including saving the world from nuclear war, and meeting Dr Who and travelling with him for an adventure or two, Fab Lady and Husband would decide to have a baby.

Fab Lady would fall pregnant that very same day and after a trouble-free pregnancy lasting a month (super heroes don't get backache, swollen ankles or sickness), a healthy baby would be born. Super-babies are born talking, walking and potty-trained, so no domestic drudgery for our hero. Soon super-baby would join his mother on exploits to save the world, although he wouldn't be as awesome as his mother due to being half-human.

Would Fab Lady get old? I'm not sure. Old age isn't fabulous, but it would be much sadder to see her family and friends aging and dying while she stayed the same. That's a difficult one. I guess she would have to get old, but in a stylish way. She'd still be fighting evil masterminds when she was 80 years old, and with attitude.

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