Saturday, 1 February 2014

My first boyfriend

My first boyfriend was called Jake, and he had blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He was so handsome. We were 9. He was a bit boring though. My next boyfriend was Ben. He was funny but he didn’t buy me some sweets from the tuck shop one day even though I asked him nicely, so I dumped him.  A lady needs to feel special, right? Next I went out with Ben’s best friend, I forget his name. After that there was Christiaan – he was the most popular boy in school. I was so chuffed when he asked me out. He dumped me when he saw me flirting with one of the other boys, though. I didn’t see what the problem was with a little harmless banter, but he obviously took himself very seriously.

When I started high school, I had eyes for only one boy – Shaun. It was love at first sight. He didn’t notice me for ages though, which was annoying. I wondered if I was too fat, so I went on a diet and lost a few kilos, but that didn't make any difference. My Mom said you can never be too thin, but she's stick-thin and has always been miserable so maybe she got it wrong. As I was saying, Shaun had fallen for a girl called Phoebe. I don’t know what was so interesting about her. I mean, she seemed to spend more time reading and doing homework than anything else. And she wasn’t nearly as pretty as me, although she did have a certain awkward charm I suppose. Still, I worked on Shaun and eventually he fell for my charms. One day he kissed me after school, out of the blue. No warning or anything. I guess he just couldn’t help himself. I tend to have that effect on men, even now.

Shaun was my first love. I’d liked the other boys, but this was different. He treated me with respect – something that most guys weren’t capable of. He actually wanted to talk, and valued what I had to say. Most of my boyfriends have been less interested in my brain, if you see what I mean. I thought he was a real keeper. I used to picture us getting married. I’d have a huge white dress and he’d arrive on a horse. There’s be loads of pink roses everywhere, and we’d go on honeymoon somewhere exotic. It stayed a fantasy, of course. Shaun dumped me after only a few months. I was having a fling with another boy – it didn’t mean anything – but he was hurt badly. I guess I shouldn't have been messing around, but I was only a kid. He could've given me a second chance.


I heard that Phoebe is now a university lecturer. She always was a nerd. Never been married: that doesn’t surprise me. She and Shuan are still friends. That’s a bit odd. I bet his wife is jealous, I know I would be!

I haven't seen Shaun since we were kids. There was a school reunion a while back, but I couldn't be bothered to see most of those people again. Some of them were horrible to me- especially the girls. I would've liked to see Shaun, but I live far away from my old home town now and it just seemed too much effort. I started writing him a Facebook private message the other week, but whatever I said seemed pathetic, so I deleted it. I would like to catch up, but I wouldn't want him to take it the wrong way. He seems to be happily married now, more's the pity.

I first got married when I was 22. It was a whirlwind romance and soon burned itself out. He was called Rick, and we met at Uni. We parted amicably after a couple of years. Neither of us had any money, so there wasn't anything to fight over.

My second husband, Aaron, was lovely. He was a little older than me and well off. He worked in mergers and acquisitions or something like that. Really clever. I was so fond of him. Yes, he was a little dull, so I had to have a  romance on the side but he shouldn't have taken it so personally! I'd never seen him so passionate as when he was chucking my designer clothes and shoes out of our bedroom window. It's almost funny, thinking back on it.... Anyway, after we got divorced I had to get a job. I hadn't needed to work while I was married to him. Oh well, you live and learn. I wish I hadn't cheated on Aaron though, he was a good bloke. I didn't deserve him.

My sister says I have loyalty issues, but she doesn't know what she's talking about. Besides, I've got the same bunch of girlfriends that I've had since uni, so it can't be that. She's always been a little envious of me.

My third husband, Lester, was a bit of a loser. We just weren't right for each other. We couldn't stop fighting at the end - the divorce has only just come through in the last few days. I don't really know why I bothered to marry him in the first place. I guess I was lonely.

I'm 42 now and I've decided that it's time I grow up. I've promised myself that I won't get married again. Not unless I'm really sure and I know that I won't be tempted to stray. Maybe I shouldn't even date for a while, not until I've had time to cool down after Lester, at least. We'll see. There is this hot new guy in the office though...
I wish I was a 12 year old again. Love was so much simpler, back then.

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