1: My wipes are too cold.
Seriously Mummy, couldn't you get a wipe-warmer or something? My poor delicate bottom is feeling the chill.
2: I'm unfashionable
I've been given hand-me-downs to wear. They are So last season!
3: I'm gender-confused
I'm getting mixed messages here. My nursery is all pink and my outfits are floral, yet I have a Thomas the Tank Engine potty that used to be my brother's. It's blue. It's meant for boys. But I'm a girl, right? I bet North West never has these issues.
4: My first birthday party
It involved pass-the-parcel; crisps and a cake made by Grandma. This may have been acceptable when you were young, Daddy, but that was like 100 years ago.
Next year I expect ponies, a bouncy castle (for the retro vibe) and glittery cupcakes. Ok?
5: I don't have a passport
My only Summer holiday was in Weston. That went down like a lead balloon at baby yoga. What's wrong with Florida?
6: I have pram envy
Mummy, why can't I have an iCandy? I know they're chic 'cos they have an 'i' at the front.
7: I'm teething
Grandma bought me a delightful book of fairy tales. I can't read it, but it does taste delicious. I know that I shouldn't chomp on literature, but I just can't help myself.
8: I'm too little to drink a babychino
They don't come in sippy-cups. :(