Saturday, 7 September 2013

First world baby problems

1: My wipes are too cold.

Seriously Mummy, couldn't you get a wipe-warmer or something? My poor delicate bottom is feeling the chill.

2: I'm unfashionable

I've been given hand-me-downs to wear. They are So last season!

3: I'm gender-confused

I'm getting mixed messages here. My nursery is all pink and my outfits are floral, yet I have a Thomas the Tank Engine potty that used to be my brother's. It's blue. It's meant for boys. But I'm a girl, right? I bet North West never has these issues.

4: My first birthday party

It involved pass-the-parcel; crisps and a cake made by Grandma. This may have been acceptable when you were young, Daddy, but that was like 100 years ago.

Next year I expect ponies, a bouncy castle (for the retro vibe) and glittery cupcakes. Ok?

5: I don't have a passport

My only Summer holiday was in Weston. That went down like a lead balloon at baby yoga. What's wrong with Florida?

6: I have pram envy

Mummy, why can't I have an iCandy? I know they're chic 'cos they have an 'i' at the front.

7: I'm teething

Grandma bought me a delightful book of fairy tales. I can't read it, but it does taste delicious. I know that I shouldn't chomp on literature, but I just can't help myself.

8: I'm too little to drink a babychino

They don't come in sippy-cups. :(

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