I saw a bit of Wonder Woman recently, and, at the risk of
upsetting a whole generation of men, I wasn't that impressed. She seems nice
enough as a character, and I like her Amazonian roots and her cool jumps and
the way that she can look good even after a plane crash, but still.
The first thing that I noticed was that she is skinny, has
perfect hair and make-up and shows a lot of flesh. Not entirely her fault- she
is just (as a character) living up to what most men's idea of a perfect woman
is. It's sad though. Why does a female superhero need to look like that? She'd
look just as good in slouchy jeans and no make-up. Cooler, even, because it
would mean that she didn't care about looking 'perfect' or 'feminine' (whatever
that means.) A superhero has already proved her awesome-ness by saving lives, being
strong, changing very quickly etc. So surely she has so much self-confidence
that there's no need to be beautiful at all times too?
I suppose that it's not only female superheroes that need to
look good though. Superman and Batman and so on are also good-looking muscle-y
men, at least on film.
So I thought about what a female super hero would be like if
I invented her. She'd have to have a cool name - Fab Lady will do until I can
think of something better. She'd be of average height, average build and with slightly
wayward hair. She'd occasionally wear make-up, if she felt like it; and would
be a fan of denim and trainers. She'd have super powers, of course. Like
flying, turning invisible and the ability to sew her own curtains. She'd only
see herself in a mirror though, not her mother. She would have some close
friends, but not too many, and have a presence on social media without being
too unguarded, boastful or judgemental. Fab Lady would be able to
simultaneously cook dinner, write a web page and change a tyre. Ok, so maybe
she'd need three hands for that. She could grow an extra one when needed.
Fab Lady would feel equally at ease discussing current
affairs at a cocktail party as watching football down the pub with some mates. She
would start as a single lady, and then after some chapters, a love interest in
the form of a shy bloke in accounts would be introduced. There would be a time
when Fab Lady had to decide whether she was ready to settle down, but
eventually she would realise that she was in love. Bloke from accounts would be
a bit useless at the romantic side of things, but would turn out to be perfect
husband material.
After a few years and lots of superhero action, including
saving the world from nuclear war, and meeting Dr Who and travelling with him
for an adventure or two, Fab Lady and Husband would decide to have a baby.
Fab Lady would fall pregnant that very same day and after a
trouble-free pregnancy lasting a month (super heroes don't get backache, swollen
ankles or sickness), a healthy baby would be born. Super-babies are born
talking, walking and potty-trained, so no domestic drudgery for our hero. Soon
super-baby would join his mother on exploits to save the world, although he wouldn't
be as awesome as his mother due to being half-human.
Would Fab Lady get old? I'm not sure. Old age isn't
fabulous, but it would be much sadder to see her family and friends aging and
dying while she stayed the same. That's a difficult one. I guess she would have
to get old, but in a stylish way. She'd still be fighting evil masterminds when
she was 80 years old, and with attitude.
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