Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Sod the size!

I am going to be brave/ foolish and admit it. At the moment I am wearing trousers 2 dress sizes above my normal size. This is because I had a baby a month ago, so I have a bit of a tummy. And you know what? That's ok. When I was pregnant, I ate what I wanted to (mostly cake and dairy) and consoled myself with the thought that I would eat healthily after I had given birth. I don't mean go on a low-fat low-carb diet (I have managed never to go on a diet so far in my life, and don't plan to start now - with the exception of when I had PND and didn't eat much at all. I was miserable but skinny. Result.) I just mean eat three healthy, good-sized meals every day, just not snack in-between.

 But I can't be bothered. Like every woman, I have been bombarded with the message that I need to be thinner (no matter what my actual size at the time), and I'm fed up with it. I feel like rebelling. I'm happy, I have a wonderful loving family and never allowing myself treats will just make me hungrier and a bit sadder, not happier. I'm not saying that from now on I will eat every chocolate bar and bag of crisps that I see, just that I will allow myself to have a snack sometimes (ok, a few times a day - I can't help it, I'm a hungry person). I will still eat mostly healthy meals, and keep doing gentle exercises every so often; I don't want to get diabetes or heart failure just yet.

I'm saying this, and still there's a little voice at the back of my mind saying 'but you could do with losing a bit of weight...' Honestly, I don't think it will ever completely shut up - I am just another victim of my culture - that, as a woman, I am just too fat. Women's rights have come so far, but I don't think they'll ever go far enough to empower us to be whatever size that they naturally are - whether that's skinny or curvy. But that doesn't mean that we have to listen to the little voice. The problem is that you will never be skinny enough for that little voice. You will never be perfect enough for our societies' ridiculous picture of womanhood. It's an unattainable target.

That's the problem with focussing so much energy and angst on yourself - it's lose/lose. We were made to worship God, not our bodies or what goes into them.

The real reason that I am rebelling is my children. They have to grow up in a crappy enough world without me adding to their problems. At least if I have a healthy self-image, they have a chance of having a healthy self-image too. If not, the tide of body dismorphia that is everywhere could just overwhelm them. And I do not want my kids to hate themselves. I do not want my kids to have eating disorders. No thank you.

That's easier said than done, of course. But if you are criticising yourself, your children will pick up on it, and from a very young age. And boys will too, this isn't just a girl's problem anymore. I know because my son (aged 7) is already aware of his size- he is so skinny and yet sometimes makes comments about his tummy. It's scary, and I am partly to blame. I hate that.

This is a very good article:


No comments:

Post a Comment