Lunch by the sea

 A challenge to write a story which includes the words: a teacher - grizzled - crime of passion - restaurant - magic beans

 

He sat at his favourite table by the window. He could see the waves lapping the shore and people and dogs strolling past. It was a sunny spring day.

"Are you ready to order?" Asked a young waitress wearing a black apron.

"Yes please."

Ben glanced at the menu.

"Could I have a jacket potato with beans and cheese. And a large cappuccino."

"Sure."

Ben resumed staring out of the window. He loved this part of the world - he'd always come here on Summer holidays with his parents when he was a child.

He looked up when he heard a baby grumbling at the next table. Her mother was trying to feed her a rusk but she was having none of it. She moaned and grizzled some more, pushing the biscuit away with a scowl.

"I give up." Said the mum, to no-one in particular.

Then she caught Ben's eye.

"Do you have any?" She asked.

"Me... on no. Well, that is, I have a class-full of them, but none of my own."

"Oh, you're a teacher." She smiled. "That must be hard work. What year do you teach?"

"Year 8. They are great kids but sometimes I just want to..."

"I know exactly what you mean," she replied, taking a knife out of the grumpy baby's hand. "So, how come you're not in class now?"

"Oh, well... I'm actually off sick at the moment. With stress. I came here for a break; I'm not local."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to pry." She replied.

"No problem. I'm here for two weeks and I've been to this restaurant a few times now. I love the view." He said.

"Yes, it's good isn't it?" She was now trying to feed the baby a bottle, to no avail. She gave up and enjoyed her panini instead.

"Here you are sir." The waitress placed his lunch and coffee on the table. "Enjoy."

"Thank you." Ben tucked into the meal. It was delicious.

An old couple entered the restaurant and sat at a table next to his.

"Enjoying your lunch?" Asked the man.

"Yes thanks." Ben replied.

"Good. Those are magic beans, you know."  

"Sorry?" Asked Ben.

"Magic beans. This is the place that Doris and I came to on our first date. We both had jackets with beans too. And they obviously worked because she fell madly in love with me and here we are today celebrating our 10th anniversary."

"Oh wow. congratulations!" Grinned Ben.

Doris said "Maybe you'll fall in love too. Are you single?"

"Oh, yes. Yes I am - currently. I was recently divorced."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that dear. I lost my first husband to cancer. But good things can happen when you least expect." She gazed into her husband's eyes.

Ben noticed that they were still holding hands.

The waitress asked for their order and they also went for jackets with cheese and beans.

"And two glasses of your finest red wine please Miss." Asked the gentleman.

Ben finished his meal and took out his book. One good thing about being signed off was that he didn't have to think about work. He could sit and read his novel all day.

He ordered another cappuccino.

The elderly couple started their meal and clinked wine glasses.  

"Cheers!"

"Oh dear!"

Doris' wine glass broke and red liquid ran dramatically down her arm and onto her blouse.

"Are you ok?" Asked Ben, jumping up and mopping up some of the wine with a napkin.

"I am fine thank you dear," she replied.

Her shirt was ruined. It looked like she'd been stabbed.

"I suppose you could call it a crime of passion." Laughed her husband.

The waitress ran over with wipes and offered the couple a free meal, which they accepted.

Drama over, Ben returned to his book. He sipped his coffee and glanced at the view again. The sun was dancing over the waves and the seagulls shrieked at each other.

Today was a good day.

Where did you meet?

I'm not usually this mawkish, so please forgive me. I blame my lack of sleep.

In the film We bought a zoo (based on the autobiographical book by Benjamin Mee) the father tells his kids about how he and their mum first met. It was in a cafe, incidentally. The scene is especially emotional because their mother died only a few months before.

This made me think about how my husband and I met. In case you're interested, it was in a grubby low-ceilinged pub at our local football ground. It was where our church used to meet before we could afford our own building. He was the first person at the church to talk to me so I thought I'd marry him. That's a joke.

Where did you meet your other half?

I had never thought of showing our children where we met, but as the father played by Matt Damon says in the movie, it's a part of their story. My son and husband actually regularly visit (although not that room) because they have season tickets to football. But I haven't seen inside that room since our church moved buildings.  Maybe we'll all go and visit one day.

If you have children, have you spoken to them about where you and your spouse met? It might be geeky but it's part of their story before their story, so that's pretty cool.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/9108388/We-Bought-a-Zoo-the-true-story-behind-the-film.html

Let kids be kids

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-26853447

So Ofsted has said that the Early Years education system is  failing children, and all nurseries should have sit-down formal teacher-lead lessons from the age of 3. Also they would like all children to attend school from 8am-6pm every week day.

Apparently 'the rot sets in early' and two thirds of the poorest children start school unprepared - for example they can't hold pens, hold conversations or even use the toilet.

Are kids not allowed to be kids anymore? What about the benefits of play? What about occasionally spending time with their parents? Or should family time be relegated to weekends? Actually, having care of a child for two whole days in a row is a bit much to ask of modern parents - let's send them to school on Saturdays as well. Then those teachers can teach them more manners and discipline and solve all their social problems as well as getting them ready for university aged 5.

Any why is being poor causing problems for children's education anyway? All it takes to be prepared for school is a parent or grandparent who sometimes speaks to their child; sometimes reads them bedtime stories; sometimes plays imagination games with them and takes them for a walk to the park. Feeding them and potty training them and giving them some boundaries helps too. None of these activities costs anything, besides the food. Is this too much to ask of parents?

Also who will pay for all this extra teacher training for nursery school teachers and all the extra hours for all teachers?

Why is it suddenly the fault of the nurseries and schools? I think it's time that parents realised that they are the ones responsible for their kids, not the state or the poor overloaded teachers.

When you have children, surely you realise that you will have extra time and financial commitments? If you can't cope with looking after a young child (you're just too busy to talk to them or play with them) or you really do need to work all the hours under the sun just to put some basic food on your table, maybe you shouldn't have kids. Actually, the benefits system helps with this anyway, so there's no reason your child or you should go hungry.

It may be your 'right' to have a child, but it comes with a heck of a lot of long-term responsibility.

Stop blaming the schools and nurseries. Keeping young children cooped up in a formal school environment for every minute of the day is not going to make well rounded, happy children. Children learn by playing - it's been proven many times. They also become happier and more intelligent by being loved and being paid attention - this is something that families should do from their first day- not leave it to the education system to sort out a few years later.

Let's treat kids like kids again, instead of Human Resources.

The princess and the pixies

Once upon a time there was a princess called Jewel. She had sparkling blue eyes and long brown hair that reached all the way to her ankles. Jewel could not sleep at night unless there were seven mattresses filled with down on her bed. Down is tiny feathers. One morning, Jewel woke up from a particularly bad night's sleep.  She climbed out of bed using her golden ladder (the mattresses were very thick) and walked into the dining room which was set for breakfast. Her parents and sister were already there, eating chocolate croissants with fried egg, and drinking decaff espressos.

"Good morning," said her Mum the Queen "How did you sleep?"

"Terribly," replied Jewel as she sat down at the table, "I couldn't get comfortable all night."

"Oh no! Why not?" Asked her mum.

Mergatroyd the maid served Jewel her breakfast.

"I don't know. It felt like I was sleeping on glass. Then when I turned over it was like I was lying on rusty nails." Grumbled the princess.

"On my great-Aunt Petunia!" Exclaimed the Queen.

"Yes." Agreed Jewel.

Jewel tried to eat her breakfast, but just couldn't enjoy it what with the tiredness.

"Have you tried checking to see if there really was glass or rusty nails underneath your mattresses?" Asked her sister, Princess Grace.

"No, I didn't think of that," replied Jewel, "I will have a look after breakfast."

"Maybe it was the pixies." Announced the King.

"What?" Asked Jewel.

"The pixies. They live in the woods and like to cause havoc  when the mood strikes them." Answered her dad.

He poured himself another espresso and stirred in some honey.

"Are you joking?" Wondered Jewel.

"Pixies don't exist." Said the Queen.

"Please pass the ketchup." Asked Grace.

The King passed his daughter the ketchup- she couldn't eat croissants without them.

"I don't make jokes." Said the King. "I ran into some when I was a child. They are very small and exceptionally mischievous."

"What does mischievous mean?" Asked Princess Grace.

"Maliciously or playfully annoying. Harmful or injurious." Replied her dad.

He enjoyed reading the dictionary.

"I must go to a very important meeting with the Pope, some MPs and Will-i-am." Announced the King as he folded his newspaper and kissed his family goodbye.

"Well, who'd have thought?" Mused the Queen. "Pixies are real?"

"Why would they be so horrible to me though?" Asked Jewel sadly.

"They just don't like children," said Grace, "don't you know anything?"

"How do you know so much about pixies?" Asked her mother.

"I read the Faerie Times." Replied the princess.

The family finished their breakfast and Jewel returned to her bedroom, with Grace following to help. If this was the pixies' fault, she would teach them a lesson they'd never forget.

The princesses checked underneath the bottom mattress - wow, it was heavy. Nothing there. Underneath the second mattress, there was nothing.

"Maybe you just had a bad dream." Said Grace as they took a breather.

"No, I know that I felt something!" Insisted her older sister.

They checked underneath the third mattress. Jewel stretched her hand as far as it would go. Aha! She felt something.

"I can feel something here, Grace, Try to keep the mattress up on your side."

She pulled it slowly towards her - being cautious as she didn't want to accidently cut her hand on the glass or whatever the offending object was.

"What is it?" Asked Grace as the item appeared.

Jewel held it carefully in her hand.

"It looks like a flower. A tiny flower." Jewel marvelled.

The flower was blood red and about the size of her fingernail.

"That is what made you sleep badly all night?" Wondered Grace. "I'm surprised that you even felt it!"

"It is pretty small isn't it?" Agreed her sister.

"I think we should show Mummy." Suggested Grace.

"Ok."

Suddenly  the flower melted. Just as though it was made of ice. All that was left was a tiny crimson drop in the princess' hand.

"Oh no. It must've been magic." Whispered Jewel.

"It must have been the pixies! What are we going to do now?" Asked Grace.

"We'll have to speak to them." Said Jewel. "I need to find out why they did this."

Grace nodded sagely. She agreed that it was the only way to resolve the issue.

"How are you going to find them though?" She asked.

"I will have to stay awake tonight and catch them when they come back." Replied Jewel.

"What if they don't return? And what if you fall asleep?" Asked the younger princess.

"They are sure to come back. For some reason they have decided to play a nasty trick on me, and they won't be happy that I've stopped their fun."

"Ok... but how will you stay awake until midnight?"

Midnight is the time when pixies are known to perform their mischief, as any reader of the Faerie Times will tell you.

"Coffee. Lots of coffee." Replied Jewel.

And so Princess Jewel spend the rest of the day drinking espressos. She was determined to have a word with those naughty pixies that very night. At bedtime, Jewel kissed her parents and sister goodnight and went to bed. But she didn't fall asleep. On no. She has drunk enough coffee to keep a large elephant awake during Question Time. There was no way that she was going to get any sleep that night.

As midnight approached, Jewel put down her Rubrics' Cube, switched off her torch and pretended to be asleep. Soon she heard a  little shuffling and the tippa-tappa of tiny feet - if she didn't know any better, she'd think it was a mouse doing a tap-dance.

She kept her eyes firmly shut and her ears firmly open. She could just make out the pixies whispering to each other. There was definitely a male and a female voice.

"What's the Human done with our flower then?" Asked the female voice.

"I guess she found it. It would've melted on her warm skin, of course." Answered the male.

"Typical Human- causing problems. Just as well we have lots of spares."

"Yes. Small Humans in the olden days used to behave themselves. They would never be bold enough to mess with the proud Pixie people."

"I blame the parents. Now, which mattress should this one go under?" Asked the female.

"Bottom one this time. She'll still sleep badly. Tee hee." Giggled the male.

Jewel felt her bed move ever-so-slightly as the pixie placed one of their magical flowers under the bottom mattress. She thought that they must be extremely strong. Now was her chance. She switched on her torch and climbed quickly down her ladder.

"Oi! I've caught you!" She shouted to the startled magical creatures.

They both froze in fear. They were smaller than Jewel had imagined, only about the size of a guinea-pig. They wore funny hats and shiny boots. They both had pointy ears and noses.

"Why are you playing this trick on me?" The princess demanded. "What have I ever done to deserve this?"

"Well, um, that is. Do you know who we are?" Asked the male pixie.

"Yes of course! You're pixies. I'm not stupid."

"Ah, well then you know that that's just what we do. Be naughty, I mean. It's kind of our job."

"You mean to say that your job is to pick on innocent children?" Asked Jewel.

"Yes," replied the female pixie. "We have done it for hundreds of years. It's our proud tradition."

"Oh." Responded the princess. She wasn't sure what else to say.

"What's your job?" Enquired the male pixie.

"My job? I don't have a job!" Replied Jewel incredulously. "I just have to play, and eat, and be a kid. Oh, and go to school."

"Lucky you. If we aren't mischievous, we are cast out of pixie society. We would be shamed for life." Said the female.

"Oh, I see. So you have to pick on children?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying."

"But why me?" Jewel wondered.

"Why not you?"

The princess didn't have an answer to that. She thought for a few moments. Then she had an idea.

"Why don't you just pretend to play tricks on children?" She suggested.

"Pretend?"

"Yes, you know: make-believe. Sneak out every night and pretend to pick on kids, but don't. Maybe put your naughty flowers in a goose's nest instead." Replied the princess.

"A goose's nest?" Laughed the pixies.

"Yes. I've never liked geese. They are loud and they hiss and they are a bit scary."

"Oh, ok. Well, I don't see why not." Replied the male pixie.

"We could certainly give it a try." Agreed the female.

And so that night, Princess Jewel did a favour for children around the world - she saved their sleep. From that night on, those two pixies picked on geese instead of kids. And so if you had a good night's sleep last night, say a quick thank you to Jewel.

And if you are a sleep-deprived goose, well, sorry. Maybe if you weren't so annoying then the princess would have suggested that the pixies pick on magpies instead. Or maybe pigeons.

 

 

The End

Naughty cat

I made a hot cup of tea.

Naughty cat jumped up

and had a drink.

Slurp slurp slurp.

"Bleurgh!" Spat Naughty cat.

"This tea is too hot for me."

 

So I made a luke-warm cup of tea.

Naughty cat jumped up

and had a drink.

Slurp slurp slurp.

"Yuck!" Moaned Naughty cat.

"This tea is too cold for me."

 

So I made a milky cup of tea.

Naughty cat jumped up

and had a drink.

Slurp slurp slurp.

"Delicious!" Meowed Naughty cat.

"This tea is perfect for me."

 

So he drank all of my tea.

 

I made a cup of tea

and added a bit of milk and one sugar.

I had a drink.

Sip sip sip.

"Ahh." I sighed.

"This tea is just right for me."

 

Yellow duck

I ran a hot bath.

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

Splish splash splosh.

'Ow! That's too hot!' he shouted

And jumped out.

 

I let the water out.

I ran a cool bath.

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

Splish splash splosh.

'Yikes!' He yelled. 'That's freezing!'

And jumped out.

 

I let the water out.

I ran a luke-warm bath.

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

Splish splash splosh.

'Ah!' He quacked.

'That's just right.'

 

He swam around:

Once

Twice

Three times.

'I'm dizzy.'

He moaned

And jumped out.

 

I gave yellow duck

A cosy towel.

He snuggled in

With glee.

'Thank you.' 

He quacked to me.

 

I ran a bubbly bath

And got in.

Bubbles bubbles bubbles.

Ah.

Just right.

 

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

'Get out!'

I demanded.

'This is my bath.'

He jumped out.

 

Mascot day at Swindon Town FC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My son Connor was recently a mascot at STFC as a birthday present. George and Brenda Chadwick have been hosting mascots at the County Ground for 35 years. They are a lovely couple and made us all feel welcome. We started the day by having a tour around the stadium. I didn't find this part particularly exciting, but did like the trophy cabinet. There was a cool replica statue of Romulus and Remus (from the Roman foundation myth) nursing from a she-wolf (Lupa), which I especially liked.

Connor enjoyed getting autographs from the players on a football. All of the players were friendly and the kids (mascots and friends) obviously enjoyed meeting them. I couldn't help thinking how young the players all are. One of them (Pritchard) is about the height of my 8-year-old. We saw the opposition (MK Dons) changing room and the Swindon changing room. There was also a small room which held the disjointed corpse of Rockin' Robin. Thankfully it turned out not to be his corpse - it is apparently a costume, so there was no need to call the RSPCA. None of the kids seemed to be traumatised.

We also met the manager, Mark Cooper, who was good at talking to the kids. He presented them all with a certificate. My husband Mike said that he had been a mascot back in the 1980s, and, as if on cue, the goalkeeper on that day, Fraser Digby, appeared. There was a nice feeling of family tradition. We then had a three course lunch. The boys were allowed to eat the same posh food as the adults. They all spurned that and went for chicken and chips.

Soon the mascots went off to change and go to play kick-about on the pitch before the game. Rockin' Robin joined them in his usual refined way. I was allowed to go onto the pitch and take photos. Later the boys ran on with the team. This was definitely a highlight for Connor - he came on with Nathan Thompson.

We then went into the posh seats to enjoy the game. Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed the game. Unfortunately we was robbed but it was a game of two halves, as they say.

After the game, man of the match Troy Archibald-Henville joined us in the Sponsors Suite and posed for photos with the mascots.

I had a good day and am not even a football fan. Highly recommended.