Let kids be kids

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-26853447

So Ofsted has said that the Early Years education system is  failing children, and all nurseries should have sit-down formal teacher-lead lessons from the age of 3. Also they would like all children to attend school from 8am-6pm every week day.

Apparently 'the rot sets in early' and two thirds of the poorest children start school unprepared - for example they can't hold pens, hold conversations or even use the toilet.

Are kids not allowed to be kids anymore? What about the benefits of play? What about occasionally spending time with their parents? Or should family time be relegated to weekends? Actually, having care of a child for two whole days in a row is a bit much to ask of modern parents - let's send them to school on Saturdays as well. Then those teachers can teach them more manners and discipline and solve all their social problems as well as getting them ready for university aged 5.

Any why is being poor causing problems for children's education anyway? All it takes to be prepared for school is a parent or grandparent who sometimes speaks to their child; sometimes reads them bedtime stories; sometimes plays imagination games with them and takes them for a walk to the park. Feeding them and potty training them and giving them some boundaries helps too. None of these activities costs anything, besides the food. Is this too much to ask of parents?

Also who will pay for all this extra teacher training for nursery school teachers and all the extra hours for all teachers?

Why is it suddenly the fault of the nurseries and schools? I think it's time that parents realised that they are the ones responsible for their kids, not the state or the poor overloaded teachers.

When you have children, surely you realise that you will have extra time and financial commitments? If you can't cope with looking after a young child (you're just too busy to talk to them or play with them) or you really do need to work all the hours under the sun just to put some basic food on your table, maybe you shouldn't have kids. Actually, the benefits system helps with this anyway, so there's no reason your child or you should go hungry.

It may be your 'right' to have a child, but it comes with a heck of a lot of long-term responsibility.

Stop blaming the schools and nurseries. Keeping young children cooped up in a formal school environment for every minute of the day is not going to make well rounded, happy children. Children learn by playing - it's been proven many times. They also become happier and more intelligent by being loved and being paid attention - this is something that families should do from their first day- not leave it to the education system to sort out a few years later.

Let's treat kids like kids again, instead of Human Resources.

The princess and the pixies

Once upon a time there was a princess called Jewel. She had sparkling blue eyes and long brown hair that reached all the way to her ankles. Jewel could not sleep at night unless there were seven mattresses filled with down on her bed. Down is tiny feathers. One morning, Jewel woke up from a particularly bad night's sleep.  She climbed out of bed using her golden ladder (the mattresses were very thick) and walked into the dining room which was set for breakfast. Her parents and sister were already there, eating chocolate croissants with fried egg, and drinking decaff espressos.

"Good morning," said her Mum the Queen "How did you sleep?"

"Terribly," replied Jewel as she sat down at the table, "I couldn't get comfortable all night."

"Oh no! Why not?" Asked her mum.

Mergatroyd the maid served Jewel her breakfast.

"I don't know. It felt like I was sleeping on glass. Then when I turned over it was like I was lying on rusty nails." Grumbled the princess.

"On my great-Aunt Petunia!" Exclaimed the Queen.

"Yes." Agreed Jewel.

Jewel tried to eat her breakfast, but just couldn't enjoy it what with the tiredness.

"Have you tried checking to see if there really was glass or rusty nails underneath your mattresses?" Asked her sister, Princess Grace.

"No, I didn't think of that," replied Jewel, "I will have a look after breakfast."

"Maybe it was the pixies." Announced the King.

"What?" Asked Jewel.

"The pixies. They live in the woods and like to cause havoc  when the mood strikes them." Answered her dad.

He poured himself another espresso and stirred in some honey.

"Are you joking?" Wondered Jewel.

"Pixies don't exist." Said the Queen.

"Please pass the ketchup." Asked Grace.

The King passed his daughter the ketchup- she couldn't eat croissants without them.

"I don't make jokes." Said the King. "I ran into some when I was a child. They are very small and exceptionally mischievous."

"What does mischievous mean?" Asked Princess Grace.

"Maliciously or playfully annoying. Harmful or injurious." Replied her dad.

He enjoyed reading the dictionary.

"I must go to a very important meeting with the Pope, some MPs and Will-i-am." Announced the King as he folded his newspaper and kissed his family goodbye.

"Well, who'd have thought?" Mused the Queen. "Pixies are real?"

"Why would they be so horrible to me though?" Asked Jewel sadly.

"They just don't like children," said Grace, "don't you know anything?"

"How do you know so much about pixies?" Asked her mother.

"I read the Faerie Times." Replied the princess.

The family finished their breakfast and Jewel returned to her bedroom, with Grace following to help. If this was the pixies' fault, she would teach them a lesson they'd never forget.

The princesses checked underneath the bottom mattress - wow, it was heavy. Nothing there. Underneath the second mattress, there was nothing.

"Maybe you just had a bad dream." Said Grace as they took a breather.

"No, I know that I felt something!" Insisted her older sister.

They checked underneath the third mattress. Jewel stretched her hand as far as it would go. Aha! She felt something.

"I can feel something here, Grace, Try to keep the mattress up on your side."

She pulled it slowly towards her - being cautious as she didn't want to accidently cut her hand on the glass or whatever the offending object was.

"What is it?" Asked Grace as the item appeared.

Jewel held it carefully in her hand.

"It looks like a flower. A tiny flower." Jewel marvelled.

The flower was blood red and about the size of her fingernail.

"That is what made you sleep badly all night?" Wondered Grace. "I'm surprised that you even felt it!"

"It is pretty small isn't it?" Agreed her sister.

"I think we should show Mummy." Suggested Grace.

"Ok."

Suddenly  the flower melted. Just as though it was made of ice. All that was left was a tiny crimson drop in the princess' hand.

"Oh no. It must've been magic." Whispered Jewel.

"It must have been the pixies! What are we going to do now?" Asked Grace.

"We'll have to speak to them." Said Jewel. "I need to find out why they did this."

Grace nodded sagely. She agreed that it was the only way to resolve the issue.

"How are you going to find them though?" She asked.

"I will have to stay awake tonight and catch them when they come back." Replied Jewel.

"What if they don't return? And what if you fall asleep?" Asked the younger princess.

"They are sure to come back. For some reason they have decided to play a nasty trick on me, and they won't be happy that I've stopped their fun."

"Ok... but how will you stay awake until midnight?"

Midnight is the time when pixies are known to perform their mischief, as any reader of the Faerie Times will tell you.

"Coffee. Lots of coffee." Replied Jewel.

And so Princess Jewel spend the rest of the day drinking espressos. She was determined to have a word with those naughty pixies that very night. At bedtime, Jewel kissed her parents and sister goodnight and went to bed. But she didn't fall asleep. On no. She has drunk enough coffee to keep a large elephant awake during Question Time. There was no way that she was going to get any sleep that night.

As midnight approached, Jewel put down her Rubrics' Cube, switched off her torch and pretended to be asleep. Soon she heard a  little shuffling and the tippa-tappa of tiny feet - if she didn't know any better, she'd think it was a mouse doing a tap-dance.

She kept her eyes firmly shut and her ears firmly open. She could just make out the pixies whispering to each other. There was definitely a male and a female voice.

"What's the Human done with our flower then?" Asked the female voice.

"I guess she found it. It would've melted on her warm skin, of course." Answered the male.

"Typical Human- causing problems. Just as well we have lots of spares."

"Yes. Small Humans in the olden days used to behave themselves. They would never be bold enough to mess with the proud Pixie people."

"I blame the parents. Now, which mattress should this one go under?" Asked the female.

"Bottom one this time. She'll still sleep badly. Tee hee." Giggled the male.

Jewel felt her bed move ever-so-slightly as the pixie placed one of their magical flowers under the bottom mattress. She thought that they must be extremely strong. Now was her chance. She switched on her torch and climbed quickly down her ladder.

"Oi! I've caught you!" She shouted to the startled magical creatures.

They both froze in fear. They were smaller than Jewel had imagined, only about the size of a guinea-pig. They wore funny hats and shiny boots. They both had pointy ears and noses.

"Why are you playing this trick on me?" The princess demanded. "What have I ever done to deserve this?"

"Well, um, that is. Do you know who we are?" Asked the male pixie.

"Yes of course! You're pixies. I'm not stupid."

"Ah, well then you know that that's just what we do. Be naughty, I mean. It's kind of our job."

"You mean to say that your job is to pick on innocent children?" Asked Jewel.

"Yes," replied the female pixie. "We have done it for hundreds of years. It's our proud tradition."

"Oh." Responded the princess. She wasn't sure what else to say.

"What's your job?" Enquired the male pixie.

"My job? I don't have a job!" Replied Jewel incredulously. "I just have to play, and eat, and be a kid. Oh, and go to school."

"Lucky you. If we aren't mischievous, we are cast out of pixie society. We would be shamed for life." Said the female.

"Oh, I see. So you have to pick on children?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying."

"But why me?" Jewel wondered.

"Why not you?"

The princess didn't have an answer to that. She thought for a few moments. Then she had an idea.

"Why don't you just pretend to play tricks on children?" She suggested.

"Pretend?"

"Yes, you know: make-believe. Sneak out every night and pretend to pick on kids, but don't. Maybe put your naughty flowers in a goose's nest instead." Replied the princess.

"A goose's nest?" Laughed the pixies.

"Yes. I've never liked geese. They are loud and they hiss and they are a bit scary."

"Oh, ok. Well, I don't see why not." Replied the male pixie.

"We could certainly give it a try." Agreed the female.

And so that night, Princess Jewel did a favour for children around the world - she saved their sleep. From that night on, those two pixies picked on geese instead of kids. And so if you had a good night's sleep last night, say a quick thank you to Jewel.

And if you are a sleep-deprived goose, well, sorry. Maybe if you weren't so annoying then the princess would have suggested that the pixies pick on magpies instead. Or maybe pigeons.

 

 

The End

Naughty cat

I made a hot cup of tea.

Naughty cat jumped up

and had a drink.

Slurp slurp slurp.

"Bleurgh!" Spat Naughty cat.

"This tea is too hot for me."

 

So I made a luke-warm cup of tea.

Naughty cat jumped up

and had a drink.

Slurp slurp slurp.

"Yuck!" Moaned Naughty cat.

"This tea is too cold for me."

 

So I made a milky cup of tea.

Naughty cat jumped up

and had a drink.

Slurp slurp slurp.

"Delicious!" Meowed Naughty cat.

"This tea is perfect for me."

 

So he drank all of my tea.

 

I made a cup of tea

and added a bit of milk and one sugar.

I had a drink.

Sip sip sip.

"Ahh." I sighed.

"This tea is just right for me."

 

Yellow duck

I ran a hot bath.

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

Splish splash splosh.

'Ow! That's too hot!' he shouted

And jumped out.

 

I let the water out.

I ran a cool bath.

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

Splish splash splosh.

'Yikes!' He yelled. 'That's freezing!'

And jumped out.

 

I let the water out.

I ran a luke-warm bath.

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

Splish splash splosh.

'Ah!' He quacked.

'That's just right.'

 

He swam around:

Once

Twice

Three times.

'I'm dizzy.'

He moaned

And jumped out.

 

I gave yellow duck

A cosy towel.

He snuggled in

With glee.

'Thank you.' 

He quacked to me.

 

I ran a bubbly bath

And got in.

Bubbles bubbles bubbles.

Ah.

Just right.

 

The yellow duck

Jumped in.

'Get out!'

I demanded.

'This is my bath.'

He jumped out.

 

Mascot day at Swindon Town FC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My son Connor was recently a mascot at STFC as a birthday present. George and Brenda Chadwick have been hosting mascots at the County Ground for 35 years. They are a lovely couple and made us all feel welcome. We started the day by having a tour around the stadium. I didn't find this part particularly exciting, but did like the trophy cabinet. There was a cool replica statue of Romulus and Remus (from the Roman foundation myth) nursing from a she-wolf (Lupa), which I especially liked.

Connor enjoyed getting autographs from the players on a football. All of the players were friendly and the kids (mascots and friends) obviously enjoyed meeting them. I couldn't help thinking how young the players all are. One of them (Pritchard) is about the height of my 8-year-old. We saw the opposition (MK Dons) changing room and the Swindon changing room. There was also a small room which held the disjointed corpse of Rockin' Robin. Thankfully it turned out not to be his corpse - it is apparently a costume, so there was no need to call the RSPCA. None of the kids seemed to be traumatised.

We also met the manager, Mark Cooper, who was good at talking to the kids. He presented them all with a certificate. My husband Mike said that he had been a mascot back in the 1980s, and, as if on cue, the goalkeeper on that day, Fraser Digby, appeared. There was a nice feeling of family tradition. We then had a three course lunch. The boys were allowed to eat the same posh food as the adults. They all spurned that and went for chicken and chips.

Soon the mascots went off to change and go to play kick-about on the pitch before the game. Rockin' Robin joined them in his usual refined way. I was allowed to go onto the pitch and take photos. Later the boys ran on with the team. This was definitely a highlight for Connor - he came on with Nathan Thompson.

We then went into the posh seats to enjoy the game. Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed the game. Unfortunately we was robbed but it was a game of two halves, as they say.

After the game, man of the match Troy Archibald-Henville joined us in the Sponsors Suite and posed for photos with the mascots.

I had a good day and am not even a football fan. Highly recommended.

The hotel

We were staying in a huge hotel. It seemed to go on forever, and I was always getting lost trying to find my way back to my room. I'm sure the stairs moved when I wasn't looking! The walls were oak-panelled and there were innumerable flights of stairs. It was quite dark as well, with only candle-light to guide you around the maze of corridors.

We were staying there for free. My friend Cassie had won the holiday in a competition. We'd never have been able to afford the hotel ourselves - it was exceptionally posh. Every night there was a delicious 3-course meal and then a live band.

One night I got lost again trying to find my room.

"Are you ok?" Asked a member of staff who spotted me looking confused in a gloomy passageway.

"Yes, well, I'm lost again. I keep forgetting how to find my room."

"It is a gigantic building, isn't it?" She asked. "But I can help you. You see that door over there?"

"That one?" I said, pointing to a lacquered crimson door.

"Yes. That's the dark room. Go in there and you will find a way back."

"Ok... thanks." I said, but she'd already gone.

I opened the door slowly and peeked inside. She was right - it was dark. I went in, closed the door behind me, and found myself looking at a huge mirror that filled one wall. I say it was a mirror, but it didn't actually reflect anything. Instead in contained a scene of people dancing. It looked like a fancy-dress party - everyone was dressed in old-fashioned clothes and having a great time. It reminded me of The Great Gatsby for some reason. I wondered if it was really happening, or just an image. I kept staring at it, and after a while a couple of people spotted me and smiled. I couldn't hear anything but they seemed friendly enough. I touched the mirror and it was smooth glass. I waved goodbye after a while and they waved back and joined the dancing again.

Intrigued, I left the room. It seemed as though the corridors and stairs had changed while I was in there, and I instantly knew where I was and the way back to my room. I was sharing with my friend Kitty- we each had a luxurious king-size bed and shared a large en-suite bathroom that boasted a roll-top bath. We really were pampered.

All of us were together at dinner that night - Cassie, Kitty, Liz and myself - and we chatted about what each of us had got up to that day. Cassie and Liz had gone skiing, Kitty had spent the day at the spa, and I had mostly wandered around and sat in front of a fire in one of the lounges and read my book.

"Isn't this food delicious?" Marvelled Liz.

She was eating lobster. I wouldn't touch seafood, so had the roast lamb instead.

"Yes," I replied, "I don't think I've ever had such tasty food before."

"They have a Michelin-starred French chef." Announced Cassie, drinking a sip of red wine.

"Wow," replied Liz, "no wonder it's so good!"

"We'll find our normal food so boring when we get back home." Sighed Kitty.

"I wonder what the theme is for tomorrow's ball?" Wondered Cassie.

Every Saturday there was a themed ball. We only got told the theme on the evening before, which didn't give us much time to prepare, but there was a stock of good-quality costumes that the hotel lent out to clients, so we didn't need to buy anything.

After desert (I had chocolate mousse and Bailey's coffee), the Entertainment manager took to the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he announced, "I can confirm that the theme of tomorrow night's ball is...The roaring twenties! As usual, costumes can be borrowed from the hotel, but damages must be paid for. Accessories can be purchased in the central shop."

As soon as he made the announcement, the room filled with voices. Everyone started planning what they would wear , and the ladies, what make-up they'd wear. You could feel the excitement. The Saturday ball was the highlight of the week - everyone made an effort.

"I know what I'm going to wear- if I can find it!" Said Cassie. "A silver and black dress, silver heels, and a short black wig."

"That sounds good," replied Liz. "I think I'll go for a red dress."

The rest of the evening was spent discussing the  ball.

I know that I'd had far too much wine , but I struggled to find my way back to my room that night. I must've been wandering around the corridors for nearly half an hour when I remembered the dark room. Of course! That would set me straight. Strangely enough, I found it around the next corner. There was the large crimson door, standing out amongst all the typical brown ones in the passage. I opened the heavy door and stepped into the room. There was the mirror- still full of life-size people. But as I looked closer, I noticed that they weren't dancing any more. People were looking shocked and milling around. Something had obviously happened.

I gently touched the shoulder of a woman who was standing nearest to me. I say I touched her shoulder, but of course all I felt was the smooth glass beneath my hand. She noticed anyway, and turned around to look at me. She was crying and her mascara had run.

I asked "What happened?" but she couldn't hear me. She shook her head and turned away. I tried to work out what had happened, and then I saw a couple of policemen arrive. They walked up to someone and were obviously asking them questions. I decided to go to bed - I couldn't stay awake any longer.

I found my room and collapsed into bed fully-clothed. Kitty was already in bed asleep.

I woke up late the following morning, and went for a swim before breakfast. I went to the lobby after that to look for a costume for the ball. I hoped that all the good outfits hadn't already been taken. I wanted to find a bright turquoise or green flapper-style dress with matching shoes and headband. After that I'd research 1920s make-up so that I really looked the part. After a prolonged search through dresses that weren't quite right (or looked perfect but were the wrong size), I found a stunning outfit in emerald green. It had tassels along the skirt and was quite short, but it fitted perfectly. I was chuffed. I also managed to find some shoes of a similar colour- not an exact match but no-one would notice in the gloom of the dancehall. I picked up a matching headband and beaded necklace from the hotel shop. I returned to my room with my treasures to find not only Kitty but also Cassie and Liz trying on their new outfits and listening to music.

"We wondered where you'd got to!" Exclaimed Cassie.

"I was just picking up my outfit." I explained.

"You always leave everything to the last minute," laughed Liz, "I was third in the queue this morning. Do you like my dress?"

Liz had found a beautiful ruby dress and some ridiculously high heels.

"Gorgeous." I smiled.

Kitty was doing Cassie's make-up and I asked if she could do mine too. I could never get the eyeliner right.

We spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready.

I didn't eat much at dinner - I felt excited and a bit nervous. I'm not sure why- it was only a dance- but everyone was a little agitated - hoping that they looked the part and looking forward to the band and dancing.

"Here come the band." Said Liz.

They were all well groomed in smart suits, except the female lead singer who wore a low-cut red dress.

"On no," whispered Liz, "the singer's dress looks just like mine. Except she looks stunning and I look average."

"Rubbish," replied Cassie, "you look just as good as her. And your hair's better anyway."

Cassie was right- Liz did have beautiful wavy hair.

"Anybody want to dance?" Asked Cassie.

"Yes!" We all replied and jumped up.

It must've been around 2am that the music stopped. It was sudden - right in the middle of a love song. Kitty and I were being silly and dancing a slow dance together - and not very well either. Cassie was at the bar being chatted up be some bloke, and I'm not sure where Liz was. I noticed that it went quiet and then a second later there was a scream. Everyone went silent for a moment and then there was lots of shouting and people running around - chaos.

Kitty and I quickly left the ballroom, still not sure what was going on. We asked around but no-one seemed to know. I was just going to find a member of staff, when someone shouted

"She'd dead!"

"Who's dead?" Another voice asked.

"The singer - murdered!"

It felt like time froze. I looked around the room and there was Kitty, staring me in horror. It was quiet and still. Nobody moved. I tried to say something and couldn't.

I happened to glance in a nearby wall-length mirror. I saw not a reflection of the room, but a woman's face, staring at me.

I wiped my eyes - I hadn't realised that I was crying.

The Lego Movie - not just for kids

I went to see The Lego Movie with my 7 year old son. I didn't have high expectations, but thought it would be an enjoyable if not cerebrally-engaging experience. I was wrong. It is a highly enjoyable, but surprisingly intelligent, film.

Living in a 1984-esque world, Emmet Brickowoski is a normal construction worker who follows all the rules. And the city he lives in is full of rules - what to say; what to eat and drink; what music to like; what to wear. Everything is built by following the instructions- and anything that doesn't follow the rules is destroyed. President Business oversees this dystopian place. The president is terrified of anything or anyone that's different or original or creative. So terrified that he has a nasty plan up his sleeve...

One day Emmet stumbles upon something that will save the world as well as change it forever, and he is thrown into an underground full of rule-breakers, creative thinkers and those who just don't fit in - the master builders. But he's not popular, at least at first. The problem is that he has never had one original idea. That soon changes though, and he turns out to be a real hero.

I love the references to Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and The Matrix- amongst many others.

On a more basic level, the movie tells kids that it's ok to not always follow the instructions when building with Lego. All kits seems to be so prescriptive these days - you make the car or spaceship or whatever, but then what? Break it apart and do the same again? When I was young we just had a load of bricks, no instructions, and made what we liked. One of the heroes in the film is a 1980's astronaut, which I liked, as most of the parents taking their kids to see this movie will have played with similar.

Of course, this is a film for kids, so there is lots of silly humour (including a few references to butts) and explosions and action. My son loved it, but in a very different way from how I did.

And as a marketing tool - genius.

 

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_lego_movie/